I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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