it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
