This girl is more easily done than said...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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