I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize