You're so nebulous sometimes
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
