he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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