I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
