oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize