I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
