I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
