You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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