First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
