oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
