you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I want a musical about memes.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
