I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
