my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize