then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
