We're facebook friends in real life
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
