i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
