I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
