I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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