My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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