i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
