Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My balls are so social today.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
