you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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