8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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