i barfeds in our rink
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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