Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
