Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
...so i touched it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
