i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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