A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
