Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
