i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
