I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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