I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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