Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
