I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
