please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
