we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
