He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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