I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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