so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize