Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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