He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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