I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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