If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
