mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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