ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
