It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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