I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
