I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I love you. Go after that dick
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
