Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
