I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
