I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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