it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
