i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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