I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
