I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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