and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize