Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
