my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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