Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Text me some of your sweat
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
