Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
