Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize