Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
