Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
