oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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