I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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