watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
