you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
