I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
