It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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