Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
