My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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