Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
