where am i from again
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
