They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
