Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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