just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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