So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
