So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
